The New Sun

As you surely know, our sun is about to die; in fact, there isn’t very much time left at all. Our sun is projected to implode, one week from Thursday. While this was initially concerning, several years ago, scientists started working on a solution to this projected problem, and have finally gotten it figured out, so no worries are in order.

On the same Thursday that the sun is going to vanish, the United Nations Space Coalition plans to roll in a “synthetic sun”. Dr. Thomas Unger came in to talk to us on this subject:

“We used to worry about the end of the world, but we eventually found a solution; we made a brand new sun. We basically used scotch tape to put together some nuclear elements, and orange juice. Works like a charm!”

Astronauts piloting the world’s largest spacecraft will be towing the new sun into place next week. While it’s great that all of our lives will be saved, this victory is not without sacrifice: According to Unger:

“Unfortunately, the new sunlight isn’t very natural looking, and we’ll have to live the rest of our lives under what appears to be very unflattering flourescent lighting.”


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