Myth Monday: Ghosts

I’m sure that you’re quite confused by the title of today’s article. “Ghosts are a myth?”, you say, “No, Ghosts are most certainly real. You’re off your rocker.” Fear not; Ghosts definitely do exist, that’s been scientifically proven since the Edison Phantom Materializer was first developed. No, the existence of Ghosts isn’t the myth itself; rather, the actual methods of Ghosts are frequently misunderstood. So, in an effort to inform the public, this week’s Myth Monday is about Ghosts, and the myth regarding them.

Ghosts try to scare people, right? It seems only natural. For a Ghost, scaring people is just a way of life. Or is it?

Okay, it is. It is, however, a little bit of a myth; the Ghosts don’t just scare people for fun. You see, Ghosts are notorious for their production of ectoplasm. This gooey substance is mostly harmless, but it tends to lodge itself inside of the ears of Ghosts, making their hearing less precise.

Due to this less precise hearing, Ghosts tend to perceive many human noises, such as burping, speaking, and singing Celine Dion, as hiccups. Naturally, most Ghosts want to help people out in their time of need, so they come out and try to scare the hiccups away. Most of the time, it doesn’t work, because the subject didn’t actually have hiccups to begin with, but it’s still a thoughtful gesture.

So, the next time you are spooked by a ghost, make sure you say “thank you”; Scary Ghosts are the most helpful Ghosts. On the other hand, look out for Ghosts that seem completely friendly; it’s a two-way Ghost street.

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