Tropical Dancing Fungi Plan World’s Biggest Party

Living beings populate almost every inch of our world, with exceptions made for volcanoes and some of the deepest parts of the ocean. Even these are home to ghosts, which aren’t technically living beings, and so, do not count towards the first statement’s qualifiers. It is not a little known fact that the most numerous type of being is mushrooms, and more specifically, sentient mushrooms, which vastly outnumber the boring, regular, thoughtless mushrooms.

Many of these mushrooms are capable of relatively simple actions, including hula hooping, juggling acorns, and advanced calculus. No mushroom is more famous, or more humongous in population, than the Jitterbug Mushroom. Named after the dance style (not the insect), these mushrooms are popular among dance enthusiasts, to keep in their houses (curiously, the dance is not jitterbug-esque at all, but more like a pop-and-lock style).

Whereas a group of wolves is a pack, these mushrooms are often found in huge groups, known as “ragers,” where they all dance in synchronization. While these groups are relatively large, because they mostly happen spontaneously, they never are terribly groundbreaking. Experts are anticipating a change of pace here, says Dr. Frederick Doddle:

“What we are seeing here is evolution at work; many of these mushroom colonies are infiltrated with “party planners,” putting together ragers larger than any before. Some of these planners are even mailing invitations to friends globally.”

One such invitation was intercepted by a scientist, in order to try and understand what was happening, and it seems that these mushrooms are trying to throw the biggest party the world has ever seen. The invitations specified that there would be live entertainment, drinks, and food, which is curious, as fungi don’t typically have ears or mouths.

Those wishing to attend should buy tickets to Guatemala as soon as possible, as ticket prices are bound to inflate when people get word that the headlining band is none other than the famous mushroom band, Sporeliament/Fungidelic. If the party gets enough attention, this concert may be broadcast on MTV (Mushroom Television).


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