Censorship, Decency, and Free Will

Medical technology advances at a quick pace already, but sometimes certain things come so quickly that it can surprise us. This week, an amazing innovation was presented by doctors at the Goreman/Fuller Communication Technologies company; a swear filter.

Created for use on live television and radio, the swear filter, called “The Cleanerizor,” has the ability to take audio from broadcast, and instantly substitute swear words with such excellent alternatives as “shirt,” “freak,” “beach,” and “fooglemoggogonize.” Though most networks are excited about reducing their staff and expenses, the American Union of Censorship Artists (AUCA) is not thrilled. President Donald Redding had this to say:

“We believe that taking swear words and substituting safe terms is not work that a machine can handle. It takes a certain amount of care, skill, and finesse that this machine cannot provide, and frankly, the loss of the many tens of jobs exclusively oriented in the censorship industry would be tragic.”

Announcers and actors are also concerned. A letter from the Union of Amateur Actors and People Who Just Say That They Are Actors to Pick Up Women (UAAPWJSTTAAPUW) had this to say:

“Actors should have free will to say what they want, and then suffer the consequences; just automatically correcting them is morally wrong. For example, if I wanted to start on a long curse like CENSORED horse CENSORED in a CENSORED gallon sized CENSORED birthday cake CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED of CENSORED, I should have the ability to CENSORED say that.”

Scientists, however, are thrilled. This is a major step forward, and seems to work pretty well, except for some errant word suggestions like “short,” “funk,” “birch,” and “fooglemoggogonize,” all of which are also banned words.

Currently, the inventors at Goreman/Fuller aren’t done working; they are trying to make it so you can’t read the lips, either. The problem right now, we are told, is that all the edited mouths appear with moustaches, but this kink should be fixed soon.

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