Forecast: Cloudy, With a Chance of Pain

Clouds are mysterious things. They float through the sky, drifting along with no clear course, and just as quickly as they appear, they vanish. These wispy figures were determined only 30 years ago to be a sentient, and fairly intelligent at that, race of creature, somewhere between a sky-whale (extinct) and a sheep (not extinct).

Usually, clouds and humans have a mutually beneficial relationship; Clouds give us “Cloud Milk” (colloquially known as “Rain”), and we, in exchange, feed the clouds with tons of pollutants (pollutants are like mozzarella sticks for clouds. Very unhealthy, but who can resist?). Occasionally, our mostly peaceful relationship with clouds is interrupted by violent outbursts. Dr. Steven Morris is an expert on Cloud Anatomy, and has this to say on these strange changes of personality;

“Cloud fists can be extremely damaging, and getting punched by a cloud once may kill you. I was punched by a cloud and survived, but I have some severe brain damage from it. That’s a common effect of cloud fists, which can be extremely damaging, and getting punched by them may kill you. I was punched by a cloud and survived, but I have some severe brain damage from it. That’s a common effect…”

(Morris continued to talk, even after we prompted him to stop. Eventually, we walked away from our meeting place. The next day he was still standing there, so we called 911.)

Although Morris may seem disjointed, cloud fists (colloquially known as “lightning”) are very dangerous. Luckily, they are rare occurrences, and clouds not using their fists are relatively harmless, albeit frightening. Mark Crosby, a 13-year-old boy who had a close encounter with a cloud, recounts his story;

“It was wet. And it was really cold, too. That’s about it.”

Mark said that his memory was foggy, but he feels lucky to be alive. He still jumps at the sound of cloud shouts (colloquially known as “thunder”).

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