Cataclysmic Science Removal Ray Incident

Today, there is absolutely no science news whatsoever. This is not because of an absence of things happening, but because of a horrific tragedy involving Dr. Martha Dixon’s “Science Removal Ray.” Any and all science, therefore, is currently unavailable

Designed to remove science from anything it is used on, the Science Removal Ray is an amazing tool, and an incredible asset to non-science. Invented in 1987, it was originally used to remove science from books, movies, and television programs, in order to protect people from using their brains, which at that time was considered a cause of cancer. Since then, it has been used in the same way, but more for the purpose of satiating appetites for human interest stories. Science articles could be programmed to reduce to stories about dogs doing things dogs do not normally do, for example. On its default setting, however, it purely “blacked out” all of the science.

Today, however, the Ray had a malfunction, and has begun radiating in all directions, for a span of over 1000 miles. The effects are reduced, farther away from the Ohio Science Removal Center, but anything having to do with science is on borrowed time until scientists can get the radiation under control again.

On a positive note, however, theSCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED SCIENCE REMOVED, and that simple action is what scientists are now calling “The Cancer Vaccine”.

UPDATE: The radiation has subsided, and I see now that this blog has been affected. Unfortunately, I can’t rewrite the removed information, as the Science Removal Radiation has also removed the science from my brain. My sincerest apologies, I only hope the missing information wasn’t anything terribly important.


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