Deadly Flower is Irresistable to Lemurs

Madagascar is a land of beauty, a beauty which is sometimes deceptive. After all, it is an island home to the world’s most poisonous flower, Morticeae mortis, also known as the Quintuple Death Flower. It is given that name because it contains five distinct poisons:

  • Cyanide
  • A unique toxin called Morticide
  • Methanol
  • Anthrax
  • A chemical compound referred to colloquially as Concentrated Burning Hair Smell

Although the flower is beautiful, people know to avoid it, and animals rarely go near it, as they are well aware that it is poisonous. Recently, however, a massive outbreak has occured, resulting in the deaths of over fifty lemurs in one small area near Ankazobe. Scientists aren’t sure why this is happening, but it is clear that the lemurs are eating the flowers. We were able to speak with Lemur Nutritionist Abigail Muntz on the subject:

“All five deadly compounds will kill a lemur, so we don’t know why they choose to eat them now. The flowers grow in patches, and near each of the affected patches are the bodies of poisoned lemurs. You’d think the lemurs would take this as a sign, but they just keep eating them. We took some flowers back to the lab for tests, and found something strange; the flowers are literally coated in honey.”

Abigail also reported that, after smelling the particularly delicious honey, one of her lab employees couldn’t resist taking a lick, and is currently in intensive care. We hope for his speedy recovery.

Why would there be honey on a deadly flower? It seems like an unnatural occurence. What appears to be happening is the devilish work of some specially bred bees.

Aino Rakotomalala is a beekeeper in the affected area, and has specifically bred his bees to be extremely smart, and to hate lemurs.

“I not only raise bees, but I also farm fruit. When the lemurs eat my fruit, I lose money. So, I trained my bees to kill the lemurs. My bees are the best, and bred for passive-aggressive hatred.”

These bees, bred for a sadism gene, sacrifice their valuable honey to lure lemurs to eat the deadly flowers. While this is amazing work for bees, it is terrible for the lemurs. The honey, however, is supposed to be incredible, and irresistable (Dr. Muntz refused to send me a flower example, with fear I might try to eat it). Currently, some lucky lemurs are being proactively treated at a rehabilitation center, to resist the epidemic of honey addiction among lemurs. We have heard from some lemurs (who, for obvious reasons, wish to remain anonymous) that they can resist the urge, but might need to substitute with maple syrup.

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